Holy, Holy, Holy...

It is calm now. The week so long dreaded has now been swallowed up by time. A few days have passed and I am left with the raw emotions of a mother after giving birth. Trauma, anxiety and palpitations slow into the ease of a quiet life...the movement of a house that ticks to the time of routine, traditions and rituals. For this, I am thankful.

My sister's stay is always emotional. Too emotional. Uncomfortably emotional. In the midst of madness, instability I try hard to find equilibrium, balance. My feet feel the rope wobble beneath the grips of my toes. I walk a tight rope hundreds of feet from the ground, all the while fighting her demons, keeping them from becoming mine.

Her eyes are deep pools of void...and in them I search for the smile, for the soul, for the familiar look of the one of my childhood. Where are you dear sister? I need to find you. In her eyes I see only sickness,madness, pain and a heart wrenching confusion.

She hears them.

Voices only known to her.

Who is it, sweet sister? Who do you hear?

She hears them. Taunting her... making her feel unworthy, unloved.

I want at them. I want to do things to them that would not become, a woman of Christ. But I am angry! Leave her alone! Stop telling her lies!

I pray. And I pray some more. I search for the Voice. The One of truth.

I hear Him. He gives me a song.

'Holy, Holy, Holy...is the Lord Almighty!'

How Lord? Where is the holiness in the midst of a loved one who is tortured by unholy voices, and spitting out unholy words.

'Holy, Holy, Holy...is the Lord Almighty...who Was and Is and Is to come...' His voice keeps singing in my ear. How Lord? How? How do I love the unlovely. Where do I find the holiness in the wickedness and vileness of her absurd disease?

'HOLY, HOLY, HOLY! Is the Lord Almighty!' I know that! My mind tries to know that. No. No... I don't know that. I cannot begin to know that.

I'm left to just know that He Was...and Is... and Is to come.

Still I cannot comprehend. I have a brain with limits, bound in a continuum of space, and trapped in a universe bound by time. Bound by time.

He Was and Is and Is to come.

You live in a Holy realm Lord. It is not fair. How do I find your Holiness here, in my reality, my realm, my existence. How do I find you in the lunacy, in her mind.

Time is ticking. Time.

He Was and Is and Is to come....Your Holiness transcends all time...Your Holiness transcends all time....

Your Holiness transcends all space...is that what you are trying to tell me?
What space...YOUR space. My space?... my space... my space.

Holy, Holy, Holy...

Holy, Holy, Holy...

I find my footing...balance.

Holy, Holy, Holy...

Yes Lord, you are.

'I AM'

You Are...who WAS, and IS and IS TO COME...